Said NO ONE EVER...but honestly I shouldn't have left my blog hanging on such a negative note. I haven't written much because my running life has been non-existent. But yes, it has really been 2 months since I tore my Achilles Tendon. Oh I forgot to mention that I did finally get an MRI and the results were a 1 cm tear right at the tendon-gastrocnemius insertion point. The original doc I saw at the urgent care was a complete idiot. A good doctor would have at least recommended I follow-up with my regular PCM and get an MRI to confirm. Always get a second opinion! The only option for treatment? Surgery to reconstruct it...then lots of physical therapy. We're talking a process of 6-9 months most likely.
My orthopedic surgeon is the coolest though. Honestly, along my journey through nursing school and through personal experience, I have never met an orthopedic surgeon I did not like. If I ever become a surgical nurse of some sort, I think I'd like to work in ortho. This guy has a great disposition, and had a way of making me smile even in the midst of explaining how my options were either to get surgery or limp the rest of my life. Yes he managed to deliver that message with a certain lightheartedness that I received well. After chatting a bit, I learned that he is also a runner, did some of his residency in Eugene, Oregon where in his spare time he would run on Pre's old trails. Are you kidding me? Where did I find this guy? Perfect match!
But the thing I appreciated most was that he was willing to learn about me and understand what was important to me in life, and apply that information to my care plan. As he was brainstorming options of what my surgery would like (out loud) he was mumbling and making mouth noises and in the middle of that I heard him say..."eh...but you are a runner..." in a way that communicated to me that he understood how important it was that I get back to that level. Not just some everyday, hey-I-can-walk-again level, but to the I-can-run-again-and-now-I-feel-like-myself-again level.And while walking will be a blessing no doubt, it gave me hope that he's going to do everything in his power to allow me to have another chance to be my running self.
In the meantime we moved into our new house, had a nice Christmas and got our kids settled into their new schools. We did not go to Disneyland since that was our back up plan if we did not find a house. We did go to Knott's Berry Farm shortly after the new year and my hubby wheeled me all over the park. He's a sweetheart. The world has by no means slowed down because I am injured! I love our new little town though. It has a lot of nice places to run and get this...a great track with grandstands just down the street! I can see it now...I walk out my front door, have a nice warm-up jog just long enough to get to the track then do some speedwork/intervals/fartlets/Yassos. Ahhh, one day I hope! I do wish that a year ago we could have seen this coming...otherwise we would not now own two vehicles with manual transmissions. *facepalm* We did not think that one through! I won't be pushing any clutches down in the near future.
I'm nervous as hell about tomorrow. It's crazy because I have sat through and observed surgery as a nursing student. Back in 2005 I literally had my own neck sliced open and my thyroid removed and I made it through that. I shouldn't be nervous, but I am. I hate not being myself. I hate being the one with all of the needs. Being put under freaks me out because I have NO CONTROL over what is happening to me.
But what I hate more is waking up every morning being reminded that I can't walk. It's like waking up to a small nightmare each day. It happens throughout the day too...like when I'm playing with my kids and I get the urge to chase them or something and I can't. Or when I simply want to bend over and the result is knives through my left foot. I need to go through this to get better. I need to try.
With all of the nervousness I feel there is also an exponential measure of hope. This journey will take the good part of 2014, but I have hope that the end result will be a success story. I have hope that I will walk again normally, that I will run again one day. Hiking, biking, swimming, etc...I will do it again. It sucks not to be able to do it for such a long time but at least I know that once I can again, I will never-not for one second-take it for granted.